Dealing with Loss: Lessons Learned from my Journey
Today is World Mental Health Day. This year, I decided to start a campaign with a few of my fellow Global Shapers who care about this topic in order to allow people to share their stories and break free from the rule of silence that seems to be so common around the world. Today I share with you my own experience.
This article was written two years ago when I was at the beginning of my healing journey.
Losing a loved one is a trauma that changes you. When the person is close such as a family member, the loss becomes a turning point in your life. You see, some events are so intense they push you to your limits, to questioning the very foundation of who you are. The day I lost my father, I understood that life as I knew it was over, it was time to open a new chapter.
One of the reasons I am sharing this experience now is that I remember feeling so alone in my pain and unable to connect with anyone. The only people who were able to find the right words were those who had already lost a parent, yet I could not ask them all the questions I had in mind. I tried to look for answers on the internet, but they were mostly generic and impersonal. I just needed to know I was not the only one struggling to keep it together. I wanted testimonials of people who were still grieving or who made it, but who could understand what I was going through.
I was sad, vulnerable, lost and petrified all at once. I still remember feeling like an atom thrown in the wide universe with no direction. The world had continued moving but my life had stopped. I could not picture tomorrow because I had no idea how to live without my father. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to take it one day at a time.
“Holding everything in was unbearable and sharing it felt impossible.”
In my quest to find peace, I discovered it was a taboo to talk about one’s pain. I did not want to share my feelings with my family because I did not want to inflict more pain onto them. At the same time, I could not tell my friends because I hated the look of pity in their face. Holding everything in was unbearable and sharing it felt impossible. I could not stand myself nor anyone around me. I didn’t feel safe to express my vulnerability, so I tried to shut down my feelings. Without realizing, I was flirting with depression.
Healing is a slow process, it is difficult, and requires you to take a deep look at yourself and understand everything you do, think and feel. I realized I was not allowing myself to be sad and vulnerable even though it was completely normal. I was judging myself for not being able to move on quickly because everyone seemed happy around me and I was not healing at the same pace. For better or for worse, I had internalized my culture’s standards and was struggling to continue playing a role that was not mine.
This is why I started documenting my experience in writing. I wanted help someone else who might be going through the same experience. Now, four years and 2 therapies later, I feel stronger and more empathic than ever before. Going through this experience taught to become brutally honest with myself about the things I want, and to accept other people right where they are without judgement.
I was lucky to have some amazing friends who supported me throughout the whole process. Today, I practice meditation, I use art therapy and I rely on a heavy circle of truly amazing humans to protect my mental health. I have also learned to say yes, and to say no. Sometimes, people don’t understand, and that’s okay. Living in integrity has become my priority more than any other social standard.
If you are facing a mental health condition, please know you can heal. You might need to take medication, or to go through therapy, or to change your environment but I assure you, you can get better.
With Love,
Xxo
